you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize