u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
