Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize