Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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