I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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