I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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