Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
