I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
