It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize