i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
