Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just had sex bonerless
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
whose parrot is this?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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