And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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