take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
