I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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