Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
