Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
