Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
