butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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