They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
