she looked like the before picture.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
