So drunk its hurt
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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