Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
