Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
