Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
