I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
