I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my shit smells like andre
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize