Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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