you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
