oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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