I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
