And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
