Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
