where does the pee come out of this thing
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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