dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
