WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
