There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
