So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
