marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize