I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
