I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
