People in love make me want to vomit
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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