can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
