Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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