if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
