i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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