just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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