in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
