I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
