I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
