It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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