Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
