Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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