The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
