you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my shit smells like andre
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
