listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
