you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
