So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
