We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
