if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
