Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We're using joints as your birthday candles
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
