I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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