I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
