I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize