Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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