my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
