Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
