I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
