can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Vodka?
Forever.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
