Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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