belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
