i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
