Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
3pm strippers are depressing
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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