its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
