Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
