Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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