It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
