i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
