READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
