so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
