i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
