uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
