I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
