I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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